Do you ever have a day where you wake up and everything just feels wrong?

Today was one of those days. My stomach was bothering me. My mood was sour. I didn’t want to get out of bed. I had to, eventually, but once I’d voided my bladder I climbed back into bed and curled into a ball.

To top things off, I grabbed my phone and started scrolling through email and my Facebook newsfeed. A post caught my eye and set the tone for the day. For the first eight hours of the day I thought that was a bad thing, but somehow things turned around toward the end.

The post that caught my eye was one from a Kansas mission that places infants with hopeful adoptive parents. They don’t take very many cases, and though I’ve tried to make contact, I’ve not had much luck getting on the list. The post featured a family that was matched with a baby born yesterday. A very joyous occasion, but one that filled my heart with fear and despair. The couple welcoming this newborn bundle of joy into their hearts already have a three-year-old biological son. And three months ago they also gave birth to a baby girl. So now they have three children. And I, who can’t even get on their list, still have none.

I spent all day worried that maybe somehow we’ve managed to “mess” something up on our forms. Maybe we’re not suitable parents. It’s a deep-seated fear that haunts me. Most days I’m better at ignoring it.

And though I spent a majority of the day with that fear in the back of my head, I also spent the day praying for peace, for patience and for hope. I repeated what our adoption lawyer told us during our first meeting. He said that the waiting for a child requires trust above all. You have to trust in the Lord, and trust the people that you’re working with, who’re helping you toward your goal.

So here I am, about to climb back into that bed, but with a totally different attitude. That fear that I fought all day long is what helped push me to get this article written, and to move forward with launching this blog. It’s been live a long time now, but I’ve not really made an attempt to put us out there into cyberspace. Be patient with me as I try harder to post updates. And as I try harder to share a little more of us with the world, so that someday maybe a young women will find us here “Down on the Creek” and decide to let us raise her son or daughter.

Sometimes fear can be motivating. Blessings to you!